We Go Gray Everyday

Tomorrow is May 1 and Relay for Life.  I don't remember what I was doing on this day last year, but I know I did not think about brain cancer and honestly I probably didn't care that much.  I celebrated and honored two students of mine that had cancer at Relay last year, but never dreamed I would be in that position myself.  As you know on June 24, 2014 that all changed.  I learned very well that cancer randomly chooses it's victims.  On May 1, that brain tumor was there, it just hadn't made itself known yet.  We live and breathe cancer everyday.  I never forget it's there even for a second.  It leaves nasty little reminders of its presence everywhere we go.  There have been many disappointments and things we just have to accept, but also there is joy, faith, and blessings.  We serve a Mighty God and He has been faithful through this.
I had the idea to ask Calleigh what she thought about cancer tonight as she ate her shrimp and mashed potatoes.  I thought I would also make my own little list to share.


Cancer from Calleigh's Perspective
Mom: What does it feel like to have cancer?
     Calleigh: You're throwing up so bad
Mom: How does having cancer make you feel?
     Calleigh: Sad
Mom: What do you think about cancer?
     Calleigh: I don't like it when I have it.
Mom: What do you wish?
     Calleigh:I wish it would go away soon.  I don't have any hair, but it will grow back soon. 
Mom: Is cancer scary?
     Calleigh: No (Then we've done our job.)

Cancer from a Parent's Perspective

• You feel more helpless and vulnerable than ever before in your life.
• Your heart feels like it breaks over and over again.
• Friends do not understand you and you no longer understand them.
• The petty stuff in life makes you angry and you have little patience for people who are wrapped up in that.
• You speak a whole new medical language.
• You try not to cry in front of your child.
• You have to shave your daughter's head yourself and it is heartbreaking.
• You watch other parents lose their children and feel an unholy terror.
• You have to advocate for that child.  We are the parents you don't want to see coming.  We will ask you every question we can think of until we are satisfied with the answers.  
• You never take the little things for granted.
• Everyday is a celebration.
• You are more grateful than you have ever been.
• You find new faith in God.
• You have to "let it go.

So please Go Gray in May, spread awareness, celebrate the survivors, honor the angels, but also think about it a few times the rest of the year.  Those of us who live with it, don't have the luxury of stopping June 1.

Calleigh returns to the hospital on Monday for round 6 of 9.  2/3 of the way done!!!  Her counts are dropping lower each round and she has required transfusions and hospitalizations.  Please pray that she tolerates this treatment well and she is able to feel well enough to go back to school and graduate with her 4K class.

And she became a beautiful butterfly!